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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960289">What Shadows My Beloved</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09'>sinemoras09</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Samurai 7 (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2009-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2009-04-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-16 01:53:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,077</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29960289</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinemoras09/pseuds/sinemoras09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A surprise reunion leaves Kirara unsettled. Angst. AU. Post-series.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Mikumari Kirara/Okamoto Katsushirou</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Shadows My Beloved</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>1.</p><p>The club smashed into Kirara's mouth. She flew backwards, slamming against the wall.</p><p>"Nee-chan!" Komachi was screaming. "Nee-chan! Nee-chan!"</p><p>The thief ran down the road, pushing through the spectators and barreling through the crowds. "He stole our rice!" Komachi said. "Someone stop him, please!"</p><p>"Komachi...." Kirara struggled to sit up.</p><p>There was a sound, and both she and Komachi turned. The crowd scattered; something flashed and something hit the ground.</p><p>Then they saw the samurai coming closer, the bag of rice in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>The sun was beginning to set, and in the slanted light she could see the fine grains of dust floating in the air.</p><p>"Samurai-sama," Kirara said, and she bowed before him, keeping her eyes on the ground. "I thank you humbly for your good deed today. My sister and I have traveled far to sell this rice; I and our village are in your debt."</p><p>A shadow fell where Kirara kept her eyes, and to her surprise, the samurai knelt down in front of her.</p><p>"You're hurt," the samurai said. He touched the bruise on her cheek. "I will kill him for what he's done."</p><p>Kirara did not look at him; Komachi clung to Kirara's leg. "Sister he scares me," Komachi said. Kirara bowed again.</p><p>"Great samurai, please, do not trouble yourself. I am just a farmer's daughter--"</p><p>"You were the mikumari," the samurai said. "But if it pleases you, I will let him live."</p><p>How did he--? Kirara raised her eyes.</p><p>He was nothing but hard angles now; dark eyes and scars and a cruel thin mouth. "Katsushiro?"</p><p>Katsushiro stood, and as she crouched on the ground he seemed to block out the sun. "Katsushiro-sama," Kirara said. She took his hand and pulled herself up to match his height. "I didn't recognize you. You look so...different."</p><p>Katsushiro slung his katana over his back and turned away from her. "Come with me," he said.</p><p>Kirara glanced at Komachi and followed after him.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>He was walking fast, so fast the sisters could barely keep up. Grains of rice spilled from their knapsack as they followed him, and Kirara struggled to keep it from tipping over. The samurai turned, then wordlessly took the sack from Kirara's hand.</p><p>Kirara glanced down at Komachi, whose face had gone pale. "Sister?"</p><p>"It's all right," Kirara said. "Kyuzo-dono was scary too, remember?"</p><p>"Yes." Komachi gripped her hand. "But this one's scarier."</p><p>They reached the outskirts of the city and followed him into the woods. Kirara glanced behind her, then stepped forward into the brush. "My camp is just beyond the clearing," Katsushiro said. "You are injured and are in no shape to travel. You will stay with me tonight, then I will accompany you back to the village. I will not allow you to travel alone."</p><p>"He doesn't sound like Katsunoji, I don't think it's him," Komachi said.</p><p>"Komachi, hush." Kirara was filled with unease. He was a man now, cold and silent. He was not the boy she had befriended all those years ago."Great samurai, please. I thank you for your hospitality, but my sister and I have a mission to complete. Our rice--"</p><p>He tossed her a satchel of gold. "I trust this is enough?"</p><p>Komachi's eyes widened. "Sister!"</p><p>Kirara gaped at him, then at the pile of gold in her hand. "I don't understand," Kirara said.</p><p>"The city is not safe for you, and if it's money you want, I have plenty of it." He stepped closer, making Kirara flinch. "Let me see your face," he said, softly.</p><p>Kirara's stomach tightened as the samurai stepped closer. He reached a hand and she flinched a little, closing her eyes. "I won't hurt you," Katsushiro said. And Kirara relaxed just enough to let him touch her. She breathed hard, avoiding his eyes.</p><p>"You're different," Kirara said. "I hardly recognized you."</p><p>Katsushiro didn't answer. He cleaned the cut carefully, gently stroking her face with a wet cloth. "You shouldn't have gone out here alone," Katsushiro said. "Where were the men? Why didn't anyone accompany you?"</p><p>"The village elder had a premonition," Kirara said. "He saw in a dream that Komachi and I would find salvation in the city. I guess...I guess in a way, he was right." Katsushiro made a sound, something like disgust, and it made Kirara uneasy. "You really are different. What happened to you?" she asked.</p><p>"I saw the world," Katsushiro said. He pressed a bandage to her face. "Only a coward would strike a woman. I only wish..."</p><p>He broke off suddenly, and looked away.</p><p>"You were still there to protect me," Kirara said. Katsushiro looked up and met her eyes.</p><p>"You can still read me, even after all this time," Katsushiro said.</p><p>"Well." Kirara stared at her hands. "I was the mikumari, after all."</p><p>And Kirara suddenly realized she was just a finger's breadth away from him, close enough to touch. His shoulders were broad and his features had filled, and suddenly, inexplicably, she felt drawn to him. "I thank you again, Katsushiro-sama," Kirara said. The honorific slipped out easily, as if they had never met.</p><p>"Lady Kirara." He nodded toward her. "It is getting late," he said. "I suggest you two get some sleep. It will be a long journey tomorrow."</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>2.</p><p>There was a fire at the center of the camp, but as the night wore on, the fire burned out. The night was cold and Kirara shivered, drawing her blanket tightly around her.</p><p>When she awoke again, it was still dark and the sun had not yet risen. She shifted her weight and stretched, and then realized Katsushiro's cloak was draped on top of her.</p><p>Kirara stood up, rubbing her arms. Just beyond the clearing, she could see Katsushiro training. He moved through the forms like water, effortless and graceful. Then he struck, again and again, his katana powerfully slashing through the air.</p><p>"He looks like Kyuzo-dono," Komachi said. Kirara looked down and saw her sister standing next to her, rubbing her eyes. "It's weird 'cuz he's using Kambei's sword. But he's long and scary like Kyuzo was. Don't you think, nee-chan?"</p><p>"I suppose," Kirara said.</p><p>They left the clearing and returned to the camp. Komachi sat on a log and kicked her legs, the little crystal bouncing beside her. "I'm not scared of him anymore, you wanna know why?" Komachi asked. "I saw him looking at you while you were asleep. He's still totally in love with you."</p><p>"Komachi."</p><p>"He is!" Komachi puffed her cheeks out and crossed her arms. "And my crystal glowed, too. So that means he's still a good guy. And he did give you his cloak."</p><p>Kirara stared at the fire. "I can't imagine what he's been through, what's happened to him to make him this way," Kirara said. "It frightens me how much he's changed."</p><p>"He didn't change that much, nee-chan," Komachi said.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Earlier.</em>
</p><p>Komachi was too scared to go to sleep. She stayed up with her eyes wide open, clutching a blanket and listening to the sound of her breathing. She wanted to wake nee-chan, but nee-chan had fallen asleep. She was shivering though, and Komachi was hoping the cold would wake her up.</p><p>Komachi rolled over and stared out into the forest. It was dark and scary and Komachi didn't like it. "Sister," she said. She glanced back at nee-chan's sleeping form. "Sister wake up."</p><p>Something moved. Komachi pulled up her cloak and sucked in her breath. He was not their Katsunoji, he was not their Katsunoji, he was this big scary mean guy who looked like Kyuzo-dono but was probably meaner. "Sister...."</p><p>Something moved again and Komachi pulled the covers over her face. "Please please please." Slowly she pulled the covers down and came face to face with Katsushiro sitting next to her.</p><p>Komachi shrieked. She scrambled up but got tangled up in the covers. "Komachi, it's okay." Katsushiro grabbed her by the arms. "Komachi, shh, it's me. It's Katsushiro, remember?" And he was careful not to make his face too scary.</p><p>Komachi peered up. He didn't look like Katsunoji. But then his face was softer and he wasn't looking quite as scary anymore, and he had put his hair back in that topknot she remembered. "That makes you look like a girl," Komachi said, in a small voice. Katsushiro didn't quite smile, but then again his eyes were smiling, so that made it all right, right? And her crystal was glowing too, and that made Komachi feel better.</p><p>"What are you thinking, Katsushiro-sama?" Komachi asked.</p><p>"Katsushiro-<em>sama</em>?" Now his eyes were definitely smiling. "Well that's certainly something new. Whatever happened to 'Katsunoji'?"</p><p>Komachi pouted. "You're too scary to be Katsunoji anymore," Komachi said.</p><p>"You think so?" Katsushiro settled next to her, his body lean and lanky and folding over itself. "Your sister's not scared of me, is she?"</p><p>"Sister's not scared of anybody," Komachi said. Katsushiro glanced at Kirara, who was shivering in her sleep.</p><p>"Your sister is cold," Katsushiro said, and he shrugged off his cloak and gently laid it on top of her. Kirara sighed, and snuggled deeply against the cloth.</p><p>Komachi glanced up at Katsushiro, then back at nee-chan, then back at Katsushiro again, who was looking at her all sad and quiet and stroking the cloak where it was touching the ground. He probably didn't want to accidentally touch her, which Komachi could appreciate, because sister always said strange men who touch you are not good to be with, and if Katsushiro is petting the ground instead of sister, well doesn't that mean he's a good guy?</p><p>"You're still not very scary, you know that?" Komachi said.</p><p>Katsushiro smiled. "And why do you say that?"</p><p>"Well. Sister always said you never had the scent of battle, but you have it now and it's really strong, but you're still really nice even if you don't talk so much anymore."</p><p>Komachi liked the way Katsushiro smiled. He got little crinkles in the sides of his eyes, like he's been out in the sun too long. "You look different, you know that?" Komachi bounced. "I used to think you weren't scary, but now? You're <em>really</em> scary! Scary like Kyuzo was. But I know better because you're still moony-eyed for sister."</p><p>"I--" Katsushiro stopped. "I suppose I am," he said.</p><p>"I knew it!" Komachi bounced again. "Grandmother always bugs nee-chan that she should get married. And now that you're here, maybe she can! Samurai can get married, right?"</p><p>Katsushiro didn't really answer, but that was okay. He looked sad and he was too busy looking at the sky. Komachi liked the sky too, it looked like a big purple cloth, and she liked the way the clouds drifted over the moon. "You should get back to sleep, little one," Katsushiro said, finally.</p><p>And Komachi flopped over and slept, because she wasn't scared anymore.</p><p>*****</p><p>3.</p><p>The air was cold and the sky was gray and dark, and Komachi's crystal swirled. "It's going to storm," Kirara said. Even now, Kirara could still read the subtle gradations of the clouding of the waters. Though she was no longer the mikumari, the crystal still pulsed and dimmed as if still attached to her soul.</p><p>The cliffside was a difficult climb, steep and narrow and rocks crumbling underfoot. Ahead of her, Katsushiro strode in front, strong winds whipping his cloak about his body. He moved far ahead of them, eyes looking forward. The sisters stumbled blindly behind him, trying to keep up.</p><p>"Sister." Komachi stared up at her with large brown eyes. "Why are you letting him be so mean to you? Why don't you tell him you're tired?"</p><p>"Komachi, please," Kirara said. "Katsushiro-dono is a different person. He's not the same man we knew in Kanna."</p><p>"He is, too," Komachi said. She skipped over a rock and tugged Kirara forward. "He's just pretending to be mean. He was nice to me--I talked to him last night!"</p><p>The climb was getting steeper and the winds were blowing with greater force. Kirara's eyes began to water in the cold, and the bare skin around her waist was numb and covered in gooseflesh. She stumbled. Someone grabbed her by the arm.</p><p>"Kirara-dono." Stern eyes stared straight at her. "Are you all right?"</p><p>Kirara's throat was dry. "I'm fine," Kirara said.</p><p>Katsushiro nodded, curtly. "Come on," he said. He leaned her against his side and led them into the mouth of a cave just outside the path.</p><p>Thunder crashed, and the skies opened up with rain. Komachi stared out the mouth of the cave and held her crystal up in the air. "Looks like we have pretty good timing, huh nee-chan?"</p><p>Kirara sighed. "You really need to learn to read that crystal better," Kirara said.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Kirara kept a respectful distance from the samurai, tending to the rice and lighting a small fire. To her horror, Komachi continued to pester the samurai as if he were still her friend, digging through his things and asking far too many questions. "What's the worst battle you ever fought? How many people can you take at once?" Komachi bounced, her little crystal jangling lightly.</p><p>Katsushiro glanced behind his shoulder, then continued to sharpen his katana. Komachi peered behind him and stood on her toes. "Wow, you're making that really sharp, huh?" she asked. "You think you're gonna have to protect me and sister, huh Katsunoji? Huh?"</p><p>"Komachi that's enough," Kirara said. The little girl pouted and sat sullenly in the corner.</p><p>Kirara folded her legs underneath her and sat with her hands on her knees. She watched quietly as Katsushiro sharpened his katana, the light from the fire glinting off the steel. The old Katsushiro, the Katsunoji of her youth, was uncomfortable with too many long silences, and would babble incessantly about bushido or honor or the samurai way. "That's what samurai do," Katsushiro would say, and Kirara would smile to herself, because Katsushiro was not really a samurai then, he only talked about it, trying hard to boost up his warrior virtues with words.</p><p>But now Katsushiro was silent, firelight flickering on his face and concentrating on his sword. He didn't need to say anything. There was an economy of movement in him that Kirara noticed, the same way seasoned warriors seemed to conserve their energy in preparations for battle. Even the way he brushed the hair out of his eyes was elegant, such a stark contrast to the clumsy heavy-handedness of his youth.</p><p>Kirara quickly glanced back at her hands, which were tight white fists pressing against her thighs. She raised her eyes slowly and looked up at Katsushiro again. There was a scar on Katsushiro's face, just under his jawline. With her eyes, Kirara traced it from the side of his jaw down to his neck, a pale white line like a ragged thread on his skin. His hair fell from his topknot and fell in loose strands about his throat, and with her eyes, she followed the muscles of his neck down to his shoulders and chest, which were broader than she remembered. She followed the line of his shoulder to his hands, which looked calloused even in the dim firelight, eyed the dirt under his nails and the smudges on the hilt of his katana, which Kirara soon realized was another man's blood. Quietly he stood, and sheathed his katana. Then he went to the corner and picked up Komachi, who had apparently fallen asleep.</p><p>Kirara looked away. She could hear him gently covering her with a blanket before settling down beside the fire. "You've been watching me," Katsushiro said, and Kirara's heart skipped. His eyes stayed trained on the fire. "Does it please you, what you see?"</p><p>"I--" Kirara flushed. "Samurai-sama, I apologize. I was looking at your scars."</p><p>Katsushiro rose and sat beside her. He rolled up his sleeve and showed her his arms. "So many scars from so many battles," Katsushiro said. "Sometimes I think they are too numerous to count."</p><p>He held out his arm, and Kirara took his forearm in her hands. Gamely she traced the jagged edge of skin with her thumb. "How awful," Kirara said. "How did this happen?"</p><p>"I had rescued a family of merchants," Katsushiro said. "They had strayed from the main road and were blindsided by arrows. I was fortunate enough to be nearby."</p><p>There it was again, that invisible draw. His voice was soft and he was sitting close, and Kirara inexplicably found herself reaching a hand up to his face; gently her fingertips fell on the side of his jaw. "This one on your cheek. What happened there?"</p><p>"Bandits were attacking a woman and child. I had to intervene," Katsushiro said.</p><p>Kirara moved to another scar. "And here?"</p><p>"A flesh wound," Katsushiro said. "For my carelessness."</p><p>Kirara gently pushed his head back, revealing the long jagged scar on the side of his neck. "And this?" she asked.</p><p>"A duel," Katsushiro said. "I somehow turned out to be the better man."</p><p>Kirara stroked the scar with her fingers. "You could have died," Kirara said. And she found herself sitting impossibly close, the tips of her fingers falling to his chest and her eyes looking up into his.</p><p>Something crashed behind them and they whirled around. It was Komachi. The little girl was awake and her crystal was glowing. She ducked behind a rock, face red.</p><p>"I'm sorry, nee-chan," Komachi said. "I didn't mean to spy, I wasn't listening, honest."</p><p>"It's okay, I was just telling Katsushiro-dono goodnight." Kirara pulled away and drew the cloak tight around her arms. "Goodnight, samurai-sama," Kirara said. And she turned away before he could see the blush creeping up her face.</p><p>*****</p><p>4.</p><p>Outside, the storm lessened, the red sakura sticky and trembling in the cool night air.</p><p>Katsushiro watched with quiet eyes as the two sisters drifted off into sleep. Komachi rolled and switched position numerous times, a compressed bundle of energy even in slumber. Beside her, Kirara closed her eyes, but from the way she was breathing katsushiro knew she was still awake. When Kirara slept, her hands would clench into small fists and press up against the side of her cheek the way a child's would; it was a quality he secretly found endearing. When they first traveled together, so many years ago, Katsushiro would watch darkly as Kirara pressed her face to her hands, breathing deeply and sinking softly into the ground. Then he would look up and see Kambei-sama chastising him with silent eyes, and he would slink back with the rest of the other men, who had slept a little farther outside the circle to give the sisters more privacy.</p><p>But Kirara was awake, she was awake and her breathing was erratic. She shivered and Katsushiro longed to lie next to her, perhaps wrap her small body up beside his and share with her his warmth.</p><p>It was, as they say, a wasted thought.</p><p>Katsushiro was not even supposed to be in the city when the sisters came. It was only by chance he was there, challenged to yet another fight with yet another samurai. His reputation had grown in the years of his travel, and people would speak in whispers as he walked past: Katsushiro the brave, who faced the Nobuseri untouched and unscathed, emerging miraculously from the fire and smoke. It came to pass that other samurai, obstinate and untested in battle, would try to prove their virtue by fighting against him, and Katsushiro often found himself inexplicably surrounded, angry eyes and raised katanas pointed in his direction.</p><p>And he would defeat them, because unlike his metal enemies, these samurai were easy to slash and cut with a sword.</p><p>The last he heard, Kambei-sama had given up his arms and retired quietly in the country, where the older samurai tended to a small garden and lived peacefully among the monks. Shichiroji-dono had married and returned again to his civilian life. And the villagers....</p><p>Katsushiro's face darkened. He still did not understand entirely what had happened to drive the sisters back to the city. There was no real need to sell the rice, just the old man's premonition that the girls should go and that they should go alone. It angered him that they would trust the old man with such blind faith, and it angered him even more that Rikichi did not call them out for their foolishness.</p><p>Kirara sighed, and Katsushiro saw that she had finally fallen asleep.</p><p>Katsushiro moved and stirred the fire quietly, tossing in a few dry branches and fanning the flames. The sisters were asleep and for some reason that made him feel lonely. They breathed but offered no companionship, and Katsushiro never felt more alone. How many years has he traveled, place to place, wandering like a monk in search of salvation? How many years has it been since he's had a place he could call home?</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Kirara woke to find Katsushiro still awake, and holding his katana and staring at the fire. "Katsushiro?"</p><p>"Lady Kirara. You're awake."</p><p>She wrapped her shawl around herself and sat down next to him. "You look like you could use some company," she said.</p><p>Katsushiro didn't answer, staring silently at the flames.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>"Back in the city, I almost didn't recognize you," Kirara said. "You look so different. Older. If you hadn't spoken I would have thought you were someone else," Kirara said.</p><p>"It has been a long time," Katsushiro said. "When you knew me, I was just a boy. Surely you didn't think I would stay the same."</p><p>"No, I suppose not," Kirara said.</p><p>Behind them, Komachi sighed, her crystal dangling just beneath her chin. Kirara saw the question in his eyes. "I gave it up," Kirara said. "I gave it up the night you left, but....but you had already decided to leave."</p><p>Silence met with silence. Kirara pushed back a strand of hair and glanced up at Katsushiro's face, which was lined and marked with weariness.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Kirara said. "I don't know what possessed me to say that." She tossed a piece of wood into the fire. "Rikichi and Sanae had a son. Things were rocky between them at first, but now it is as if they were never apart. Komachi has been mikumari for a few years now, and she continues to bring about good harvest. And I'm sure you have already heard, but the lady Yukino finally tamed Shichiroji's heart. They were married last spring--"</p><p>"Kirara-dono, please," Katsushiro said. "I have not forgotten that night. You do not have to apologize."</p><p>Kirara blinked, quickly. She twisted her shirt in her hands.</p><p>"Why did you leave us, Katsushiro?" Kirara said. "We needed you; we all needed you. But you left and you didn't even say goodbye."</p><p>"I am sorry, Kirara-dono, but I had already fulfilled my duty to Kanna Village. It was time for me to go."</p><p>Kirara glanced up, but Katsushiro's face was a mask. He picked up a knife in his hand and started scraping the wood.</p><p>"That's it?" Kirara asked. "You left us without a word and that's all you have to say? You act as if it were nothing--another contract, another duty to be fulfilled..."</p><p>"Wasn't it?" Katsushiro's eyes were cold.</p><p>"Then you truly are a great Samurai, Katsushiro-sama," Kirara said, bitterly. "Like Kambei, your heart is dead. It was a mistake to see you here." She stood and pulled her shawl tightly around her.</p><p>Katsushiro grabbed her by the arm. In one swift movement, he pushed her back against the wall, her heels scraping against the cavern floor.</p><p>"Katsushiro!"</p><p>"If my heart is dead, it's because of you," Katsushiro said.</p><p>"Let me go," Kirara said.</p><p>"Do you know what you've done to me?" Katsushiro asked. "What I've gone through to please you?"</p><p>"Katsushiro, please--"</p><p>"You have no idea what it is like," Katsushiro said. "Roaming from port to port, with only blood and battle to sustain you. You said you wanted a man with the scent of war. And I say to you, those men are dead."</p><p>Katsushiro was shaking. He let go of her hand. "I am sorry, lady Kirara," Katsushiro said. "I...I do not know what came over me...."</p><p>His shoulders hunched, and suddenly he did not seem so different. His face was close to hers. She could feel him lean closer, his parted lips just barely touching her own.</p><p>"I will accompany you to the village, but I will keep my distance. I will be near if you need me."</p><p>"K-katsushiro..."</p><p>He turned away, his cloak whirling behind him. Kirara clutched her arm and fell to her knees.</p><p>"I cannot be with you, lady Kirara," Katsushiro said. "You were right, it was a mistake to come here. I'm sorry."</p><p>Kirara sagged, dropping to the floor. A shadow passed over her and Katsushiro was gone.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Komachi woke up to nee-chan crying. "Sister?"</p><p>Kirara was on the ground, her knees to her chin. She was sobbing hard, fat tears rolling down her cheeks. "Sister what's wrong?"</p><p>"Komachi." Kirara wiped her eyes. "Katsushiro's gone. He left us."</p><p>"Sister..." Komachi hugged her sister, tight. "He'll be back, sister," Komachi said. "He left his sword here, see? See sis, don't cry okay?"</p><p>Kirara hugged her tight. "I'm so glad you're here," Kirara said.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Katsushiro did not come back. Komachi struggled to lift the katana, but it was heavier than she thought it would be. "Stupid Katsunoji," Komachi said. "I can't believe he left his sword. Now we have to carry it and it's so heavy!"</p><p>Kirara strapped the pack around her back and hefted the load off her shoulders. "Give it to me," Kirara said. "I'll carry it."</p><p>Stupid Katsunoji. Komachi was so mad at him. He shouldn't have made sister cry. "When I see him I'll give him a piece of my mind!" Komachi said.</p><p>Kirara said nothing. She trudged slightly ahead of Komachi, following down the mountain path and taking care to step not so close to the edge.</p><p>Komachi was bored. She was tired of walking. By the mountain were some wildflowers growing through the cracks. Komachi glanced ahead, then went to the wildflowers. She sat on the ground and started picking them, one by one, and fashioning them into a little bouquet. Her little crystal sang, pulsing brightly with the sunshine, and Komachi was starting to feel a little bit better.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>"Nee-chan, nee-chan! Look what I got!"</p><p>Kirara turned to see Komachi bounding down the mountain path, holding flowers in her hand.</p><p>"Look nee-chan, see? I got these for you! Do you like them, huh, huh?"</p><p>"They're really pretty," Kirara said. She took the blooms from the little girl's hand and tucked them into her pocket.</p><p>"These are like the flowers Katsunoji tried to give you before, aren't they?" Komachi asked. "Remember, sister? He picked them and he was hiding behind a tree. But we could hear him, since he wasn't a very good samurai back then."</p><p>Kirara smiled sadly. That was also the day Kotsushiro killed for the first time: because she had asked him to. (He had spent the afternoon picking flowers. It made Kirara feel ashamed.)</p><p>"How come you and Katsunoji had a fight?" Komachi asked. "I thought you were getting along. I saw you last night, you two were making moony eyes at each other and I thought you guys would kiss."</p><p>"It's complicated," Kirara said.</p><p>"It's not fair!" Komachi said. "Grandmother always said you need to get married, and Katsunoji came back and you could have married him, and we could have been a family again like before. But you yelled at him," Komachi said. "You're always yelling at everybody."</p><p>Kirara bowed her head.</p><p>"He'll come back, sister," Komachi said. Kirara shook her head.</p><p>"I don't think he will."</p><p>*****</p><p>5.</p><p>Katsushiro followed them on a separate mountain path. From above, he could see the sisters talking, walking slowly with their feet dragging on the ground. He waited until nightfall before visiting the camp again. There, while the two sisters slept, he silently lifted his katana. Under his breath he cursed himself for being so foolish, but no matter: the sisters were asleep. Neither of them noticed as he crept beside them and slid the sword out from under their packs.</p><p>Katsushiro was about to leave, but then it occurred to them that the sisters might mistakenly think they left the sword behind. Quietly he turned, and touched little Komachi on the arm.</p><p>"Huh, wha-"</p><p>"Shh."</p><p>The little girl's eyes blinked open, then widened. Her face spread out into a huge grin. "Katsu you're back!" Komachi said. Katsushiro pressed his finger to his lips, and Komachi's voice dropped to a forced whisper. "Are you going to wake up sister?"</p><p>Katsushiro showed her the katana. The little girl stared at it, then looked back up at Katsushiro. "You want me to tell her you took it?" Komachi asked.</p><p>Katsushiro nodded. His eyes glittered in the dark.</p><p>The little girl's smile faded. "Katsu you look scary again," Komachi said.</p><p>Katsushiro tried not to smile. He turned and left, leaping out of the camp in one swift movement.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>The sun began to rise, and on his perch, Katsushiro could see the thick slants of orange light sliding over the sister's eyes.</p><p>Below him, Komachi jumped up and waved and shook Kirara by the shoulder, and Katsushiro could see the little girl gesturing wildly. He could almost imagine what she was saying: And Katsu came back and he took the sword, and he was so scary but I think he still likes you, nee-chan! See I told you he'd come back! He watched as Kirara blinked in confusion, then turned her head, left and right, before rushing up to the pack. Then he watched as Kirara sternly spoke to Komachi, watching her lips and the anger in her eyes.</p><p>They walked again, Kirara hoisting the pack and Komachi bringing up the rear. Katsushiro wondered silently if he should have taken the rice too, for the pack was heavy and it looked as though Kirara might collapse under its weight. He did pay, after all, and if she were to protest he could easily point out that fact. Plus, it wasn't as if Katsushiro would actually keep the rice; he would return it as soon as they entered the village....</p><p>Of course, this would all involve him actually speaking to Kirara, and he just wasn't prepared to do that.</p><p>He was being irrational, and that he couldn't separate out his own emotions frustrated him. He was a samurai now; Kirara and Kanna village were in the past. And yet...</p><p>There were nights when Katsushiro would wake up in a cold sweat, would remember the smell of sulfur and smoke and the blood that was on his hands. He would see Kyuzo's face as if in slow motion, his face pale with widened eyes. Men were screaming and fire raged around them, and all he could think was <em>Heihachi-dono was dead, Gorobei-dono was dead, blood splashed on his face and hands and Kyuzo-dono was dead.</em> And in his heart, Kirara-dono was dead, Kanna village was dead, everything around him was a dead-leaf echo of a past now dead. And he would look in the mirror and look in his eyes, and he would see that his soul had gone dead as well.</p><p>There was no light as the sisters trudged past, shadows of trees falling on them like ghosts.</p><p>Katsushiro frowned, then moved to follow them from above.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>"You think Katsu is watching us, sister?" Komachi asked.</p><p>Kirara glanced up at the treetops. Sunlight filtered through in erratic streaks, and through the leaves, she could make out the looming profile of the cliff just above them. "I don't know," Kirara said. "I can't imagine where he'd be. That cliff is too high to climb."</p><p>Komachi's eyes brightened. "Hey sister! You know what I just thought?"</p><p>"What?" Kirara asked.</p><p>"Maybe he's the reason why the elder sent us to the city. Maybe you and Katsu were meant to make up!"</p><p>"Komachi don't be ridiculous," Kirara said. "Remember the fire last summer? That is why the elder sent us: to get money to rebuild the places that were lost. Metal costs money and our rice is in demand. Now we have enough to make the proper repairs."</p><p>"But the elder could have sent anyone, and Katsu was the one who gave us the money," Komachi said.</p><p>"I don't want to talk about it," Kirara said.</p><p>"But--"</p><p>"Komachi enough," Kirara said.</p><p>They walked in silence. Above them, the foliage grew thicker and the light around them lessened.</p><p>There was a sound. Kirara stopped. "What was that?" Kirara asked.</p><p>"Maybe it's Katsu," Komachi said.</p><p>"I don't think so," Kirara said.</p><p>An arrow flew. Kirara whirled around. More arrows flew and men jumped to the ground.</p><p>"Sister!" Komachi was screaming. "Sister, what do we do?"</p><p>"Komachi, run!"</p><p>Kirara grabbed Komachi by the hand and ran. She turned a corner, a hard right, and ran straight into a dark-clothed samurai wielding a sword.</p><p>Kirara's eyes widened. "You..."</p><p>The thief smiled. Behind her, the other men stepped forward. "I believe you have something I want," the thief said.</p><p>A dark shape leapt forward. "Katsushiro!" Kirara said. Katsushiro whirled around, katana in hand. The thief charged toward him but Katsushiro blocked his thrust.</p><p>Kirara's eyes widened. Behind her, Katsushiro fought; whirling, thrusting, blade slicing the air. "Katsushiro!" Kirara said. The men flew backwards, slamming to the ground.</p><p>The thief slammed his shoulder against the ground. Katsushiro stepped forward. The thief reached for his sword but Katsushiro slammed his boot against the thief's hand.</p><p>"Mercy!" the thief said. "Have mercy, please--"</p><p>"What did you want with them?" Katsushiro asked.</p><p>"Great samurai, I beg of you, please--"</p><p>Katsushiro slammed the thief's head against the bark of the tree. Blood dripped from the thief's mouth.</p><p>"Katsushiro!" Kirara rushed toward him. "Katsushiro, stop it."</p><p>"Tell me what you were going to do," Katsushiro said. He hit him again. "Tell me!"</p><p>"Katsushiro!" Kirara's eyes widened. Katsushiro raised his hand. "Katsushiro, no!"</p><p>A flash of light, a scattering of leaves. Blood bubbled up and ran into the ground.</p><p>"Katsushiro..." Kirara sank to her knees and looked around her; all the men were dead. She looked up, saw Katsushiro standing silently. "You killed them," Kirara said.</p><p>Katsushiro re-sheathed his sword. Beside them, the bag of rice lay half-open on the ground.</p><p>"Please," Kirara said. "Say something."</p><p>Katsushiro picked up the rice and slung it over his shoulder.</p><p>"Let's go."</p><p>*****</p><p>6.</p><p>They traveled in silence. Trudging through riverbanks, up steep valleys and down grassy hills, they moved without saying a word. Above them, the sky was an irritated charcoal, storm clouds heavy with rain and threatening to spill over.</p><p>Kirara watched Katsushiro as shouldered the weight of the rice on his back. He moved quietly, effortlessly, his cloak fluttering gently in the breeze. Killing had been easy for him, she realized, and the fact made her heart run cold. <em>It was easy for Kambei-sama, too.</em></p><p>She remembered the first night Katsushiro killed. While the other men were training, he had spent the afternoon picking flowers, standing at the top of the hill. <em>Oh Katsushiro, you really aren't like the others</em>, she remembered thinking, and when he hid behind the trees, Kirara could just make out his outline, and the white blossom in his hand.</p><p>There was blood on his face after his first kill. Slowly, Kirara had knelt beside him, dipping a cool cloth into a basin of water. He was shaking when she touched him, and the water turned the color of copper as she wiped off the blood. "Kirara-dono," he said, and his voice was the barest of whispers. She glanced up and met his eyes. "Thank you," he said. And Kirara lowered her eyes, wringing the cloth and letting the water dribble through her hands.</p><p>Shameful, fickle woman! Were her eyes more open, she would have realized how much of his heart was in her hands, how his soul had become entwined with her well-being. He had loved her, but in her infatuation she didn't notice. The shock of their kiss made her feel ashamed.</p><p>Kirara swallowed, blinking back tears. Her love for Kambei was childish, a school girl's longing. She had been besotted by the sword and the graceful, effortless way he wielded it. Katsushiro was clumsy and unskilled, and (if she were to admit it, deep in the depths of her shame), she believed he would not have been as skillful a lover, too much of a boy to fulfill her selfish needs. She looked at Katsushiro now and mourned.</p><p>Night fell, and the three travelers set up camp. Kirara set about to prepare the rice while Komachi sat at the riverside, face scrunched and palming the crystal. A hand gently touched Kirara on the shoulder, and Kirara turned, seeing Katsushiro standing behind her.</p><p>"Your face," Katsushiro said. "The bandage is a few days old now, I'd like to see the state of your wound."</p><p>Kirara sat. Wordlessly, Katsushiro knelt in front of her and began unwrapping the bandage above her eye. "It is healing nicely," Katsushiro said. "I do not think it will even scar."</p><p>Kirara avoided his eyes. She clasped her hands tightly in her lap.</p><p>"Kirara-dono. I know that what I did upset you. But believe me when I say those men wanted more than just rice." Katsushiro moved to meet her gaze. "They would have raped you, Kirara-dono," Katsushiro said. "They would have raped you because you are too old to ensure your purity. And Komachi--"</p><p>"Please," Kirara said. "Please, Katsushiro, I do not want to hear of this."</p><p>"I'm sorry," Katsushiro said. He began unfolding a fresh bandage. "I know you think me cruel," Katsushiro said. "But you must realize, I only had your best interests at heart. The world is cruel and unforgiving, and it pains me to see you traveling alone."</p><p>Kirara's face softened. "I'm sorry," Kirara said. "I just remember how you were, and how much you've changed since then. I can't help but think it's all my fault."</p><p>"You mustn't blame yourself," Katsushiro said. "I chose to pick up the sword long before I met you. I can only thank the gods they let us meet...if only for a little while."</p><p>Katsushiro's face darkened. He twisted the bandage in his hands. "You would not believe the things I've seen," Katsushiro said. "I've seen newborns tossed up in the air and speared with bayonets; I've seen women raped and brutalized. I've seen any number of atrocities, and after a while, you realize the world is nothing but pain, that love is a farce and those that think they're happy really are not."</p><p>Katsushiro began bandaging the cut on Kirara's face. His hands shook slightly, and he bowed his head. "I'm sorry, Kirara-dono," Katsushiro said. "I'm sorry for not being the man you wanted me to be."</p><p>"Katsushiro." Kirara touched his arm. Katsushiro raised his eyes, and in the dim light Kirara thought his eyes still looked the same.</p><p>"You left your katana the other night," Kirara said. "A real samurai would never do that."</p><p>Shame crossed his face, but Kirara squeezed his hands. "I don't think I'm fated to be with a real samurai," Kirara said. She kissed him then, and it felt like coming home.</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Outside, thunder rolled, wind blowing through grass in the darkened fields.</p><p>She caught his lip with her teeth, pulling him close with insistent hands. "Katsushiro," she said. The darkness rolled and she crashed into his chest, clawing blindly up his back. "What about Komachi?"</p><p>"She's asleep." He panted into her ear. "I can stop--"</p><p>"No."</p><p>They moved together in the dark, his hands on her hips and pulling her toward him. Thought escaped her then, and there was nothing but damp skin and sweat and moonlight, the sensation of Katsushiro deep inside of her, thrusting hard and holding her like a swimmer drowning.</p><p>"Katsushiro," she said, and his hot mouth pressed against her neck. "Katsushiro, <em>oh."</em></p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p> </p><p>Morning came, the thin gray light washing over the valley. "We're just outside the village now," Kirara said, and she held Katsushiro's hand. "You're not going to stay, are you?"</p><p>Katsushiro was silent. Kirara bowed her head. "Lady Yukino waited for five years before Shichiroji-dono was ready," Kirara said. "If she can do it, then I can wait as well."</p><p>"Kirara--"</p><p>"Katsushiro, no." Kirara felt the warmth behind her eyes. "You are a samurai now," Kirara said. "It would be wrong of me to make you stay, to make you be something you are not." She stared up at him, searching his face. "I have made that mistake already," Kirara said.</p><p>Katsushiro kissed her forehead and brought her close, pressing her against his cloak. "I wish you well, Kirara-dono," Katsushiro said. His voice was thick and heavy in her ears.</p><p>Kirara closed her eyes.</p><p>"As I do you, samurai-sama."</p><p> </p><p>*****</p><p>7.</p><p>The villagers were singing. Nighttime had fallen and everyone had helped to prepare the feast. Komachi strode in the center, her crystal bobbing and shining bright. It was shining brighter than usual, which irritated her: even though she was the mikumari, the crystal still responded to sister more than her. Somewhere, her sister was really happy.</p><p>"Stupid crystal," Komachi said, and she tucked it behind her sleeve.</p><p>In the great hall, the villagers danced in celebration: the money Komachi brought was ten-fold the amount they needed to make the repairs. Around her, the farmers bowed, murmuring prayers and thanking the elder for his wisdom. "But where is Kirara?" one of the villagers asked. "She is not with you. Where is she?"</p><p>And Komachi rolled her eyes and told the story for the fifty-millionth time: "She ran into Katsu in the city, and he asked her to come with him. So she did, and now they're together doing samurai stuff, except sister is probably just getting in the way."</p><p>Komachi did not tell them what she saw in the forest, because that was private, just between sister and Katsu and Komachi because she saw: <em>"Come with me," Katsushiro said, and Kirara started to cry. "Please," Katsushiro said. "I promise you I'll never let go..."</em></p><p>"Do you think they'll come back?" the villagers asked. Komachi twirled around and smiled.</p><p>"Probably," Komachi said. "But either way they'll never be alone."</p>
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